There seems to be a growing, widening gap between generations today. Young adult children are turning their backs on their parents. They won’t talk to them, come home on holidays, or be an active part of the family. Most moms experiencing this gap were caring, loving, and sacrificial when their children were growing up. It is baffling to me why some adult children won’t even acknowledge their parents anymore, yet this is a reality.
These mothers’ hearts have been damaged by separation and rejection. I think it’s hard for children of any age to realize they can cause pain so deep it’s as if they shot an arrow into their mom’s heart. Sometimes, there is apathy when the adult child is confronted, and other times angry, justified responses that feel sharp and piercing. They break their mother’s heart. After such harsh, tough conversation, a mom may fall into a heap and cry.
Those mom’s thoughts may include: I sacrificed my time and finances so my child could have a fruitful life. I loved him, fed him, cared for him, and drove him a million places. Now my adult child doesn’t want to spend time with family anymore. This can be so hurtful. Such pain can be gut-wrenching, lasting, and seemingly unfixable.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”
Psalm 34:18
God sees a mom’s pain. He knows of every broken heart. Somewhere along the way, one has to stop trying to fix the relationship . We need to take on the “Father’s” role in the Prodigal Son story. Stop pursuing and wait until they come back.
Moms have tried all their resources to fix the relationship and fix their hearts. No amount of chocolate could repair the brokenness they feel. They stop fixing, but their hearts are still broken. The Great Physician (God) needs to heal that broken heart. When one goes into have surgery, you are required to sign the papers to give consent. Then the preparations for the surgery start, and they put you under. When you are under, you have no control. Likewise, you need to give up control so God can be in ultimate control.
When we give up this control to Jesus, we feel God doing the repair in our hearts. We then spend time resting in recovery and thankfully, the pain begins to diminish. The damage from the rejection and hurtful words get repaired; then a Christian mom’s heart needs rest and recovery. Mom needs to let things be, so they can heal from all of this.
We may be still waiting for our child to show up on that dusty road returning home. Like the Father in the prodigal son story, we will run and hug and welcome home again the prodigal. We need to have faith that this will one day happen. “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 Yes, it takes faith to believe what we cannot presently see. Faith.
As moms, we need healing, so we are not resentful, hurt, and holding grudges when prodigals come home. Our heart needs to be right, so we can welcome and accept them back wholeheartedly.
If you are a mom whose heart has been broken by rejection or apathy, let me pray for you. First, pray the following prayer, then fill out the prayer request form below. I’d love to pray for you personally.
Dear God, who is my Great Physician,
My heart is broken by how my adult child is acting right now. I have tried to fix the situation. I have also tried to self-diagnose to see what went wrong. How could this have happened in our loving family? I realize I can’t fix this, and my heart hurts badly. I give my consent for You to do Your healing work in me. Please heal my heart completely and make me whole again. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Consider sending this article to a mom whose child has broken their heart. God can heal broken hearts and broken relationships. Let’s pass on wisdom and healing.
God heals.
Kim
Consider reading the next blog in this series called “Inspiration For Moms with a Broken Heart.”
Other articles you may enjoy:
Jesus our Anchor
The Hope For Tomorrow
Praying For a Friend Who’s Hurt You
Anxiety is a Trap
Good Health,
I invite you to subscribe to my email list for new blogs. I never sell your information, and I don’t spam. I only send out my latest blogs in email form. I would be honored to have you join me as we wait for our Adult Children to return home. Also, if you would like prayer, please fill out below or use the Prayer Form. I will personally pray for you.
Our family has always been very tight-knit, sometimes too tightly knit, and my daughter always comes home for Christmas and sometimes, during the summer. But I’m sure a day will come when that will change. I even mentioned that to her at Christmas this last year. Young people are under enormous pressures right now to conform to a certain discourse, even if that means rejecting family. I overhead two grandmothers talking one day. One was in tears because her granddaughter refused to have anything to do with her, accusing her grandmother of being too white, a racist, and a Nazi without any basis in fact. The girl also had mental health issues, which made the grandmother feel helpless. I felt terrible for the grandmother because she so clearly loved her granddaughter and was in pain.
I believe it is another attack on the family. Satan does not want unity in our families. Moms need healing in their hearts, so we are ready for them when the young people come back. You are blessed that your daughter is close.
Yes, right now it feels like all the Devils of Hell have invaded the world. We all must band together, hold hands, and pray without ceasing. I guess it’s no coincidence that it’s Lent and Easter is coming up while all of this is happening. God keeps reminding us, and we keep forgetting or ignoring his warnings.
Children can deeply would the heart of a parent, mother or father. Just a quick peruse through Proverbs will show that, but what has been eye opening to me is how deeply an adult child can hurt the heart of a parent compared to a teenager ever could.
That’s a good point. It’s almost like we know we will have tough times with teenagers so there’s a certain amount of grace for that season. But for the adults I found it quite shocking and was unprepared for these deep wounds caused by their words
It can cut deep!
Today my oldest son is getting married and I am not invited. My heart is broken.
Denise, my heart hurts for you.
Jesus, heal this moms wounded heart. Surround her with your loving arms. Give her peace. In Jesus name. Amen.
my heart is broken by my son’swords and I am feeling such pain that suicide seems appealing
I’m genuinely sorry you are heartbroken. The pain seems unbearable sometimes. Your value comes from Jesus, not from others. It’s hard when they say the things they do. Give this hurt to Jesus, and let him heal you. I have prayed for you. Feel free to fill out the Prayer Form.
I needed to read this today.Thank you, the Holy Spirits way of talking to me , after last night.
May God continue to heal your broken heart and eventually restore your relationship.
I am so grateful I “accidentally” found this today, with God there are no accidents!.
K has lately been very angry with me lately, W has ADHD and now K blaming me for missing all the cues that K had for ADHD when she was a student. No teacher ever brought it up, otherwise I would have done something, it wasn’t a big thing in the 90’s. I’m ADHD and hypersensitive, I feel very deeply.
My other daughter (T) lives half way across the country, she never makes an effort to call, text or factime, she claim she to is too busy. I have to make all the effort because I want a relationship with my other 2 grand kids.
I feel like I am nothing to my daughters. I was single parent for 15 years, I wasn’t perfect but I did my best considering I did not have a mother and for that matter a loving father, ( he raised my sister and I alone).
It is so devastating when your children hurt you as a mom. I have often cried out to the Lord saying children cause more hurt then any man or human can. I have been hurt deeply by many people, but you daughters win top reward. I often wonder when the pain will end, it comes in big and little waves of sorrow. They both moved out 17 years ago, why can’t I just move on. They are out my flesh that is why, if they were people who treated me like this I would have said goodbye long ago.
But the greatest gift in all of this, is I am so dependent on Jesus. He is my source of stretch, and courage. I just pray He would hurry up in the healing.
Our children are so close to our hearts. When they don’t return love or mutual respect and good will, it is painful. You are going to Jesus, your source of comfort and strength. May your heart heal from this pain.