Grown children abandoning their mothers is all too prevalent. It is so hard to wait for these prodigals to come home. We love them so much and want to be with them. Meanwhile, our hearts are crushed by the extended separation from our precious loved ones.
Previously, I wrote Healing for a Mother’s Heart. I talked about how we let go and allowed God to heal our broken hearts. If you have not read it, please go and read it. The article you are reading discusses the next steps after the healing of my previous post.
After God healed my broken heart. I was able to change my tone from being negative. I can be more positive in conversations with others concerning my adult children. Forgiveness allows us to move forward, have hope, and be more positive.
What the Bible says about Adult Children/Parent Relationships.
As a mom, it’s important to keep in mind that your child goes through three stages of life: childhood, young adulthood, and mature adulthood. During each stage, they mature and have different expectations for their relationship with you, but the Bible emphasizes the overarching theme of respecting parents throughout all stages.
Honor your father and your mother,
so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Exodus 20:12 ESV
Honor- To revere; to respect; to treat with deference and submission, and perform relative duties to. Webster 1928
When our adult children get married, they are instructed in the Bible to leave and cleave to each other. They need to depend on each other. We need to step back to let this happen. Pray more, say less. Their relationship with each other becomes primary. They have a family and must depend upon each other to make it through life. This is by God’s design.
Finally, as the parent’s health declines, the adult child assumes the role of caretaker and becomes responsible for their well-being.
I brought these relationship stages from the Bible because we need to understand what growth needs to occur in our adult children’s lives and why we aren’t included. Most of my friends and those who write to me for prayer are in the middle stage. They’re done parenting, and the child has moved out but no longer pays attention to them. Others have left and have become glued to their careers, hobbies, and other interests. These adults do not know that their inaction to include their parents any longer is hurtful.
Next Steps for the Mother’s Broken Heart
- First and foremost, talk to God concerning your children. He created families. Pray for unity.
- Forgive, forgive, and forgive some more. This hurt is a wound, and it can get bumped into from many different directions. Whenever you experience pain, choose again to forgive. One day, that wound will be healed and won’t hurt. But for now, keep forgiving.
- Bless them in your thoughts and in what you say. Desire what is best for them even if you aren’t included.
- Allow yourself to enjoy some of the memories you shared together. Thank God for these precious memories. If you can’t think of any, ask God to remind you of them.
Examine our tendencies towards Pride, Expectations, and Controlling.
- Avoid Pride. Their achievements result from their hard work, not because of us. Our role was to obey God by providing for them. Ultimately, the choices they make and the outcomes they experience are theirs to own, whether positive or negative.
- Healthy Expectations for this stage are wanting the best possible outcome without any conditions or limitations attached. It involves anticipating and hoping for the most favorable result without any strings attached.
- Stop Controlling others and their outcomes. Allowing individuals to make their own mistakes can lead to learning and growth by giving them space to navigate challenges, leading to greater success and personal development.
Prayer for a Mother’s Broken Heart
I share in your hope for a reunited family. That is my desire for my family as well. Faith is hoping for something we do not see. So in faith we pray:
Dear Jesus, Heal my heart. I’ve been hurt so badly by these years of unfruitfulness. This relationship seems like a barren desert. Nothing good has grown for quite some time. But in faith, I ask for what I cannot see right now. I ask for unity in our family again. I ask for love and respect in our family once more and to see the fruit of the spirit evident in our relationship. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control. Please help me to forgive and remember the good memories. I will bless my adult children with my mouth and say good things about them. Thank you for listening and understanding my broken heart in Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Other Adult Children Articles:
Praying for your son/daughter: When they leave home
Healing for a Mother’s Heart
Praying for your Friend’s Daughters
If you want me to pray for you, fill out the form below. I would be honored. It is a lonely, hard time. So please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’d be honored. And enjoy this download on how to pray for your adult child. -Kim