Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. I Peter 4:8
When children have determined to go “no contact” with their parents, it causes excruciating pain. For many, it has been ongoing for years and we may do fine for a while, but then we have a tough week. Estranged parents share similar stories where our children stopped talking and then altogether walked out of our lives. And sadly, the popular thing for this age group is to go no contact with parents and extended families.
We live in a culture that often supports parent estrangement. Many young adults agree with and share with each other in this divisive decision. Our generation thought we would never experience such separation, but here we are living our lives in little or no contact with our adult children and it hurts to our very core.
So what do we do when these negative, hurtful feelings start swelling to the surface again?
We love.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Cor 13:7
When I reflect on how I’ve been feeling over the last couple of days, I’ve noticed that I’ve been becoming weak in these areas. I was losing my faith that God would bring my wandering children back, I was in despair instead of hope, and I didn’t think I could endure this terrible, lonely circumstance I find myself in. My general mood was suffering, and my current relationships were being affected. It’s so easy to withdraw from close love ones when you are deeply upset about the ones who don’t love you.
Love never gives up. Many times, we have to accept the fact that there is no current relationship with our offspring, but that doesn’t mean that we give up. In the story of the prodigal son, the father was keeping his head up. And while the son was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, Luke 15:20
Love never loses faith. Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 Our children may be a long way off, and it may be years before they decide to have a relationship again. We may not see a renewed relationship, this thing we may hope for, but in faith, we can believe it will happen.
Love is always hopeful. The opposite of hope is despair. One popular quote from Anne of Green Gables was Marilla’s response to Anne, who was accustomed to saying, “I’m in the depths of despair.” Marilla rightly responded. “To despair is to turn your back on God.” What a powerful truth. As moms, in our estrangement, we can feel in the depths of despair. But really what are we showing God when we despair. Are we forgetting every promise in the Bible? I wonder where we can find hope again, yes by reading God’s Word.
Love endures through every circumstance. Yes, every circumstance, even estrangement. This may be the greatest test. While the children were still young, we were tested by the first part of the love chapter which calls for us to be patient, be kind, slow to anger etc. but the great love chapter challenge reminds us that love endures through every circumstance.
I can’t do this on my own
We may feel that we can’t achieve this kind of love on our own. This is why we pray to Jesus for help.
Dear Jesus, I’m just so sad that my kids don’t want to come around and be a family any longer. I feel ignored and disregarded. This last part of the love chapter concerning never giving up, never loses faith is hopeful and endures through every circumstance is really hard to do especially on the hard days. Please strengthen me for the days ahead. I cannot live through these lonely days. Renew my faith, hope and love today. In Jesus name, amen.
In my last bout with despair, I asked Jesus to blanket me with love. I was feeling raw, vulnerable, and unloved. I can love much more deeply when I feel loved. and I can cover the “sins” of my children with my love.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. Let love be your highest goal! I Cor 13:13 & 14:1
Below are my other articles concerning parental estrangement you may find helpful.
Healing for a Mother’s Heart
Moms have tried all their resources to fix the relationship and fix their hearts. No amount of chocolate could repair the brokenness they feel. They stop fixing, but their hearts are still broken. The Great Physician (God) needs to heal that broken heart.
Inspiration for a Mother’s Broken Heart
Grown children abandoning their mothers is all too prevalent. It is so hard to wait for these prodigals to come home. We love them so much and want to be with them. Meanwhile, our hearts are crushed by the extended separation from our precious loved ones.
Under Attack
Have you ever felt like you were in battle and pursued by evil? These attacks can be experienced day and night by what the Bible describes as spiritual forces of evil. Sometimes, we may face evil forces that can deceive, provoke, distract, and even cause physical harm. However, the Bible provides a powerful defense against these attacks: FAITH. Faith is like a shield that forms part of the armor of God.
Excellent post! Thank you for sharing this. As parents with a wayward child, we have found great comfort through Scripture. We also realized that through this heartbreaking journey, we are better able to understand the heart of our Lord, for He has many, many estranged children.
Thank you for your comment. You bring up a very good point. We can understand our Lord’s heart in His wayward children. Many blessings to you as you wait for your wayward child to come home.
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